Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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