Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
