I think I died a long time ago.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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