If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
