There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
