Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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