I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
