is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
