4 words: hood of his car
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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