Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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