How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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