Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
