you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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