So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
