I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
