i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
