the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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