Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
