Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
BRING THE BAGELS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
