so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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