Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
