hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize