the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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