i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
