Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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