You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
