pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk is not a location!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
