i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
