his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
