I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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