Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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