bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
