Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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