I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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