I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
