I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
