Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
