I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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