You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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