I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i now understand why vodka
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
