dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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