we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
