oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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