Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
