i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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