My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
