Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Randomize
