Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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