This is not my ceiling
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
