i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
