just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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