my vag is so smooth its legendary
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
