Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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