this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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