so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
