apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
