would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the day after is always just damage control
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
