Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
