No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
