just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
