I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
