I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
